The C Word for young women at work is undoubtedly this: ‘children’. Many female friends have gone so far as to remove engagement or wedding rings in interviews to eradicate the mere suggestion of motherhood from the room. Is this silence useful and protective of young women, or is it perpetuating gender inequality in the workplace?
I started thinking about the problematic culture of silence surrounding pregnancy and motherhood last week during a frank discussion with my doctor. When looking for guidance, women can turn to friends, books… hell, even the church if they’re inclined. What we usually want from our doctors are cold, hard facts to make decisions that are ‘led by the science’ ā la Boris, with as little human interpretation as possible getting in the way. However, last week, my doctor led the discussion towards children without any particular cue from me, and I felt, surprisingly, a sense of relief and gratitude. She let me know that IVF treatment is only freely available up to the age of 35 in our area and gave some unsolicited advice about contraception and fertility. What I realised at that moment was that I’m fed up with pretending that my body’s baby clock hasn’t played a major role in my happiness, decisions and mental health for much longer than I usually care to admit. Many would argue that such conversations are personal and should belong in the private domain of bedrooms and perhaps GP surgeries. But isn’t there something fundamentally shackling about the awkwardness and silence around this topic?
Planning for a child isn’t something we tend to talk about at work until the perfect circumstances magically occur, and abracadabra… oh look, I’m pregnant and financially secure! For most of us, this is not the way, and those elusive circumstances involve a lot of luck, hard work and organisation. However, letting your boss know that you are possibly thinking about having children at some point in the near future still seems to go against all our ambitious instincts.
The Pregnancy Discrimination Act of 1978 prohibits employers from discriminating against employees who:
- Are pregnant;
- Were pregnant;
- Plan to become pregnant;
- Are capable of becoming pregnant;
- Have a pregnancy-related medical condition;
- Have had an abortion, or are considering one.[1]
Many people assume that this means bosses cannot legally discuss any such plans with employees, but this isn’t the case. (However, if you can prove any discriminatory intentions in such discussions, it’s a different matter.) I’m not suggesting that the onus should be on women to divulge their family plans, as, unfortunately, not all workplaces are free from discrimination. But the impact on mothers during this pandemic has taught us that many businesses are still woefully inadequate when it comes to creating women-friendly environments, particularly concerning motherhood. Surely, it’s time for better discussions surrounding that age-old family/career balance for women who need or choose to continue supporting themselves financially as mothers.
We all know about the gender pay gap, but did you know that women reportedly work 22% longer and 10% faster than their male peers before they feel entitled to the same compensation[2]? We only need to look at Jacinda Ardern, NZ president and absolute goddess, to be reminded that compassion, organisation, empathy, and communication, all skills we develop as parents, make for great leaders. When I look around my workplace, I see working mothers and fathers who have that enviable skill of working ‘smart’ by fitting more work into smaller windows of time. Why, then, am I, and according to the national statistics, more women than ever before, pushing pregnancy later into less safe and less fertile periods of their lives? It seems increasingly illogical for women to put off motherhood until they have a partner who can cover all household bills and financially maintain a desired lifestyle. It also seems unnecessary and unhelpful to place so much financial pressure on one predetermined half of the relationship when so many men and women have been made redundant.
So how can we change this culture and unspoken, outdated idea that women should depend upon a man with a higher income or simply keep calm and carry on, facing possible discrimination or even redundancy when the sh*t hits the fan? Maybe it’s time we stop pretending that this taboo and inequality don’t exist, and instead, we start thinking about ways to make planning motherhood easier for working women. Lifting the taboo would not be a simple process; nevertheless, silence is not working. A culture where women can use the C-word at work without fearing for their career progression should be the norm rather than the exception. Bosses must start proving how their companies can employ young women fairly, even if they dare to consider having children.
Not all women want to ‘have it all’. And that’s fine. However, if given a choice to discuss this balance fully and fairly at work, then society, businesses, individuals (and, dare I say, the economy) will reap the rewards.
NB This is not a criticism of my own workplace. I am lucky to work for compassionate and intelligent leaders. I am also surrounded by successful working mothers whom I look up to. I am reflecting on past working environments, anecdotes from friends, articles and research.
Written by Emma Ooko. To read more of her work, please visit www.emmabloggy.com
[1] Tom Spiggle, ‘’Are You Pregnant?’ What To Do If You’re Asked In A Job Interview, Forbes, 2019
[2] Victoria Pynchon ‘Working Mothers Make Better Employees But Less Money’, Forbes, 2012
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Facing fertility treatment and worried about how you will juggle appointments and work? Then, read our blog post about how you can successfully juggle fertility treatment whilst working for some helpful tips and advice.